The Lauraville Pet Gazette

Hank, photographed upon arrival to Lauraville, 2022.

It is with heavy hearts that the Gazette announces the passing of Hank, a feral cat who kept the back lots around Garrett Heights Elementary School for four eventful years and never once sought anyone's permission to do so. Hank came to Lauraville from Sandtown-Winchester by way of BARCS, Baltimore's Animal Rescue & Care Shelter, and thereafter conducted himself with the bearing of a creature who had seen things and chosen not to discuss them. He was, in every meaningful respect, a private individual. He kept his own schedule, observed a strict no-contact policy with humans and most other cats, and patrolled his chosen territory with grim consistency. He leaves behind no known survivors. Neighbors are urged — firmly and without equivocation — to inspect their properties for rodent poison; the circumstances of Hank's death remain a matter this Gazette considers unresolved and serious.

Exhibit A — local barn, near Amendment 21, 5:44 PM. Subject unbothered.

The Gazette has received credible reports that an unidentified brown male cat of no fixed address has been presenting himself nightly at a local barn near Amendment 21, where he has been observed consuming what sources describe as a supplemental — and entirely unsolicited — third dinner. He arrives, witnesses confirm, with the bearing of a cat who has been invited. He has not been invited. Photographic evidence has been obtained; the subject appears, by all visual indications, completely unbothered. If you recognize this individual, he owes someone an explanation and possibly restitution.

This Gazette wishes to report both a person of interest and a welfare concern, as the two appear to be one and the same. Tufts of orange fur were discovered on porch chair cushions on Catalpa Road following a recent rainstorm, consistent with an orange tom cat who has been observed in the area, riling up the resident cats at the house in question — Winter and Westley, two indoor cats who have made clear they are not accepting applications for a third member of their fraternity. The subject was last seen carrying a front-paw limp of unknown origin or severity. The household wishes it known that while he is welcome to recover and carry on elsewhere, his wellbeing is genuinely of concern to them. Anyone with information on this orange tom's whereabouts or condition is encouraged to come forward.